


Insubstantial Proposal

by Catherine Rain (raincrystal)



Category: Suikoden I, Suikoden II
Genre: Comedy, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Fourth Wall, Humor, Secret Santa, Silly, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-25
Updated: 2004-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:16:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raincrystal/pseuds/Catherine%20Rain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hix is marrying Tengaar. There's only one problem: he never said yes...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insubstantial Proposal

She'd been dragging him down this darkened tunnel for what seemed like forever. "Tengaar," he repeated, "where are we going?"

Her only response was to pull a little harder on his hand. "Come on, you have to hurry!"

"But what's the big rush?" He stepped up the pace to try to keep her from yanking his arm from its socket. He didn't even know how she could see where she was going, but he had to trust her.

Her voice sounded distant, as if it were echoing back to him from a good ways ahead, although she had to be right there. "If we don't hurry, we'll be late!"

"Late for what?"

She stopped, and a thin wedge of light appeared high up-- the opening of a door. "For the fanfic!"

"Huh?"

 **  
Insubstantial Proposal  
a Secret Santa gift for (pokeytax)  
by Catherine Rain (raincrystal)**

  
Tengaar swung the door open to reveal a huge, bright room. "Come on out," she said. "This is it."

"Okay..." he replied, stepping up from the dirt floor of the tunnel to the stone-paved room, and into the light.

He squinted at the blurry shapes until his eyes began to adjust to the brightness-- even the basement of Toran Castle could be bright when lit by so many candles. At last he took in the balloons, the crowd, and the enormous banner strung across the ceiling, reading "Hix, I love you. Will you marry me?"

He was speechless. Which was fine, because just then, hundreds of people started shouting "Surprise!" and "Congratulations!" and screaming and chattering and carrying on, so he couldn't have made himself heard had he had anything to say.

"I'm so happy that you're getting married!" gushed Hilda, pushing forward to give him a big hug. "I just had to come down to Toran for the party!"

Hix, who didn't remember having agreed to get married, tried to exchange a bewildered look with Tengaar, but she was busy beaming happily and shaking hands with the guests. He then tried to exchange a bewildered look with someone else-- _anyone_ \-- but he seemed to be the only one in the room who didn't consider this to be perfect proposal protocol.

"Um," he stammered, "I didn't actually..."

"Come now," declared Vincent De Boule in a loud voice, stepping forward with a flourish, "there's no need to be shy! This is a joyous occasion!" He startled Hix by grabbing the younger man's hand and clasping it to his bosom. Hix waited patiently to be released by Vincent. Before that could happen, though, Meg darted out of the crowd and gave him a big hug which knocked him backwards, practically off his feet. "I'm so happy for you!"

When he finally extracted himself from the embraces of people from his past-- enthusiastic on their part, awkward on his own-- he tried to find Tengaar, but she had seemingly disappeared. From the trail of happy squeals and the rose petals being thrown above the crowd, it seemed she had gone somewhere off to his right.

He glanced at Valeria pleadingly; surely she could give him a calm answer. "Did you see me say yes to Tengaar?" He wondered whether he was forgetting something-- perhaps misremembering his whole entrance into the room, or perhaps he'd misconstrued something that Tengaar had said to him recently. He did that a lot.

"I didn't hear it," said Valeria. "I'm sorry; you're a bit difficult to hear over the crowd."

"Oh," said Hix, feeling like he wanted to sit down. "It is pretty crowded."

"Yes, it is rather bad down here," Valeria agreed. "But she wanted to have it in the place where you first confessed your love to her. Everyone thought it was nicely symbolic."

"Everyone... the place..." Hix felt the color drain out of his face. "Does everyone know about that?"

"Pretty much," said Valeria.

Someone had struck up a fiddle, and an old Warriors' Village wedding dance tune drifted through the talking and laughter, accompanied by hollow drums. He saw people's heads bobbing, dancing, above the crowd. Where had Tengaar gone? Also, did everyone really think he'd said yes to her? _Had_ he said yes? Maybe he'd proposed.

Tengaar reappeared, pushing her way through the crowd towards him. "Come on," she insisted, "let's get some cake."

He followed her to the refreshments table, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say, which depended on first figuring out what he actually wanted to say. It was a confusing mess of wanting to elicit from her why she'd thrown him a party, whether she thought he'd agreed to marry her, and whether he actually had made such an agreement.

Along the wall was a table heaped with goodies: little bite-size hors d'oeuvres, giant roasted hogs' ribs, gooey brownies, bowls of punch with ice cream, delicate watercress sandwiches no bigger than a postage stamp. The table was surrounded by barrels labelled as imported wine and beer. Central to all of this was an enormous white cake that read CONGRATULATI TENGAA AND HIX, for a corner had been cut out and slices had been neatly set onto plates nearby. Fitcher already had a plate of cake and was happily digging a fork into the corner piece with all the frosting.

Tengaar surveyed the table, then nodded in approval. "Hai Yo did a good job here. We should definitely get him to cater for the wedding. This is fantastic."

"Um..." said Hix, but was distracted by the bizarre sight of Window picking up slices of cake and crumbling them between his fingers. Window reached over and sprinkled dried frosting crumbs in Hix's hair.

"What," said Hix incredulously, "what did you do that for?" But Window had already moved on to drip bits of cake on other people as well.

Tengaar laughed. "There's no understanding him sometimes. Here, let me get that out." She took a lacy handkerchief from her pocket and reached out to wipe at his hair.

He tried to brush the crumbs out himself before Tengaar could get to him with her frilly handkerchief, but to no avail. At last Tengaar declared that they were all gone, and that Hix's hair looked clean. "And besides," she added, "Window's dripping cake on half the party guests. You won't be out of place."

He swiped a hand through his hair again to try to satisfy himself that the crumbs were gone.

"Oh, Tengaar!" chirped a voice that set Hix's nerves on edge. He saw Nina elbowing her way through the crowd towards them. "I'm so happy for you, Tengaar!"

"Thank you," said Tengaar with a great show of modesty.

Fitcher leaned over and remarked to Hix under his breath, "I'm just here for the cake." Hix nodded gratefully in reply.

Nina continued, "I think it's so romantic, having the party down here where Hix confessed to you! Are you going to have the wedding here as well?"

"Oh," said Tengaar, "I really don't know where I'm going to have the wedding. I'm a bit burnt out on the whole chapel-with-organ-music thing."

"You should have it here!" insisted Nina.

"Maybe I should..." said Tengaar.

Hix wondered whether he was supposed to be party to this wedding at all, or whether it was actually to celebrate Tengaar's marriage to herself. That would, actually, explain a lot.

Kimberly, who was loading up a little plate with mini-quiche, remarked, "Why don't you get married today? On the spot?"

"That's a great idea!" said Tengaar. She grabbed Hix by the arm. "Let's go find Daddy and ask whether he can perform the ceremony today!"

"Wuh, wuh, wait," stammered Hix as she pulled him through the crowd. He had assumed he could talk to her about this later, but what if she didn't give him the chance?

"Why not?" She stopped and turned to look at him, and so, naturally, did everyone in their vicinity. "You weren't counting on a fancy wedding with bridesmaids and everything, were you?"

"Well, no..."

"I'll be a bridesmaid!" said Nina helpfully.

"Me, too!" chimed in Millie.

Hix could feel everyone staring at him, and he flushed all the way to his ears. "It's not that at all. I _don't_ want anything fancy. It's just... With so many people, Tengaar, I can't--"

"Oh, don't be so shy!" said Nina. "We're all here to support you because we like you so much!"

"--talk to you about this," he finished under his breath as Nina gave him a hug. "Um, Tengaar?"

"I think she went to go ask her father to perform the ceremony now," said Emilia.

"What?" he said. He did _not_ want to explain this mess to Tengaar in front of the chief. "No, I have to talk to her first--"

Millie giggled. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll get it properly arranged."

Close to panic, Hix cast wildly about for wherever Tengaar might have gone. He hated that all these girls were watching him. Was there something he was supposed to say or do? What had he screwed up? Was there still cake in his hair? He rubbed the top of his head, trying to make it look like a natural gesture.

"They're calling for you over there," said Emilia, pointing.

With a growing feeling of dread, Hix edged his way shamefacedly to the corner where she pointed. He couldn't just let the wedding happen without consenting to it, but neither could he explain in front of all these people. He must have done something terribly wrong, and now he would have to figure out a way out of this bind so he could talk to Tengaar in private.

Tengaar was nowhere to be found, but Zorak approached him with a big smile. "Congratulations, my boy! I always knew this day would come."

Hix let the chief clasp his hand warmly. "I'm glad you approve, sir," he replied lamely. "Where's Tengaar?"

"She went upstairs," said Zorak. "You know it's bad luck for her to be here when the ceremony starts."

"Oh..." Hix had a sudden idea. "What about the wedding tent? We can't have a ceremony today because we have no tent to have it under. That's even worse luck."

"In the basement of Toran Castle? Why, there are enough tent materials for an army! Tsai already went to put one together," said Zorak.

Hix felt his face getting red again. "Well, there has to be something not ready. You can't just have a wedding on the spur of the moment, can you?"

"Of course you can," said Zorak. "It's not the way it was always done to hold the ceremonies of a great dynasty in a castle basement, but if my Tengaar wishes it, we have all the traditional necessities at hand." He gestured expansively. "I'd like to have a talk with you, man-to-man, if you'll step out with me for a moment."

Hix mumbled assent, and followed the chief upstairs, terrified.

In his old bedroom, which had since been converted to a display room for surplus urns, Hix waited for the chief to begin. He didn't know what such a man-to-man talk would be like, but this was bound to be exceedingly awkward.

Zorak pulled over two chairs next to each other, and seated himself in the more comfortable-looking one. "Have a seat," he said.

Hix sat.

"Doubtless you must know how important it is that Tengaar marry well. As her husband, you will be the chief someday."

"Yes, sir," said Hix.

"This tradition has been around since the Warriors' Village was founded. When Clift the Crusader married his wife, Gwyndolen, who bore him three sons, the eldest of whom was Elsir the Brave, he promised to bring her the banner of his foe in the battle he must fight the next day. That was the Battle of Alba Mountain..."

Hix thought that this was the first time he had ever been _glad_ to hear about Clift the Crusader.

Hours later, he was also glad he'd been given the uncomfortable chair. The back was so straight, and the seat so narrow, that he had to sit upright without slouching, and thus could not fall asleep in the middle of the man-to-man talk.

"...and then, he the dealt the Doremi Elf a mighty blow..."

There was a merciful knock at the door, and Zorak allowed himself to be interrupted, calling out "Come in!"

Tsai stood outside. "Excuse me, sir, but the party is waiting for you downstairs. Will you be ready to perform the wedding ceremony soon?"

"Of course!" said Zorak, heaving himself upright. "Let's get on with it! We can't keep the young lovebirds waiting." He winked at Hix.

The whole way downstairs, Hix tried desperately to think of ways to get Tengaar alone before the ceremony. The knot in his gut threatened to erupt into full-blown panic. He couldn't embarrass her in front of everyone they knew, but neither could he go through with a wedding he hadn't agreed to have. People were supposed to get married by choice, not by mistake!

The basement was a little less crowded by now, but not much. Between the people who doubtless felt obligated to stay for the ceremony and the people who were too drunk to leave the party, not many had gone home, though it was getting near to evening. Someone had built a raised wooden platform along one wall, with a matrimonial tent canopy stretched above it-- yellow instead of white, though apparently a tent was a tent-- and Zorak prodded Hix to march right up there, where the whole crowd could see him.

He could see them too, but he preferred not to look, because then he saw that they were _all looking back at him_ , and that was horrifying. He tried to find somewhere else to look, but there was nowhere else except over the top of everyone's head. He glimpsed Fitcher over by the wall, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Poor Fitcher, who was only here for the cake.

"The ceremony now begins," said Zorak. "Present the bride."

Tengaar appeared at the bottom of the staircase, still wearing her everyday dress but with her hair braided into an elaborate crown and studded with flowers. Behind her, Nina, Millie and Meg walked in solemnly, carrying huge floral bouquets. Hix sneezed. Either those flowers had a strong smell, or someone had dumped half a bottle of perfume on Tengaar, and he'd never quite been able to figure out which one it was that made wedding scents so acute.

"Present the sword," said Zorak.

"I don't have it!" Hix practically shouted, relieved. "I left it locked up in the vault with my travel things, and Rock has the keys, and he went to Kouan today!"

There was a murmur in the crowd, and then someone shouted, "I've got it!" and Hix saw the burnt-leather sheath of his sword being passed through the crowd. In the front, Emilia stood on tiptoe to offer it up to him.

"Someone went and got the keys while you were gone," she explained.

"Uh... thanks," he had to reply, taking the sword from her.

Zorak instructed, "Now, show us that the sword bears the name of your bride."

There was nothing for it but to draw Tengaar++ from its sheath and show it to Zorak as instructed.

"Acceptable," said Zorak. Hix put his sword away and buckled it around his waist as the chief continued, "And you have completed the Quest of Manhood to become a Warrior?"

"Yes," admitted Hix.

"Were there witnesses?"

Hix tried to remember who had been there when he'd finished the quest. Nanami and her brother, certainly. And then there was Viktor, and Luc, and nobody else had seen it, he explained to the chief.

"Are any of these people present?"

Another ripple went through the crowd. No, no one had seen any of these people that day. The Genkaku kids had been unable to come, and Luc couldn't be reached. And no one knew where Viktor was-- had he gone home?

Hix felt relief flood through him. He'd never seen a wedding without witnesses to the Quest. "If there are no witnesses present, does that mean I can't get married today?" That would give him time to talk to Tengaar. All he needed was to stall the ceremony until another time, and surely everything would be straightened out.

"I'm afraid so," said Zorak sadly. "I'm sorry, my boy. It's tradition, you see..."

"He's here!" shouted someone. "Viktor's here!"

"Well, never mind, then!" said the chief with a huge grin.

The crowd made way, and a very drunk and unsteady Viktor arrived at the platform, with Bolgan steadying his arm and helping him up the steps. "We found him asleep against the guestbook table," Bolgan explained.

Zorak turned to the drunk Viktor, who looked dazedly back at him. "Did you see Hix complete the Quest of Manhood to become a Warrior?"

"The wha'?" mumbled Viktor.

"The _unicorn_ ," hissed Tengaar.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Saw that," Viktor replied.

With a big smile, Zorak said, "Then these two are eligible to be joined in matrimonial bonds."

As Viktor was ushered offstage, Zorak began, "Now, as is our tradition, we will tell the story of how Clift the Crusader won the love of his wife Gwyndolen through his daring exploits in battle. It all started with the Battle of Ledris Pass, which took place on a clear, cold morning. The foe numbered in the thousands..."

The candles burned down to stubs as Zorak's tale wound inexorably onward through generations of village chiefs. Tengaar's eyes had long since glazed over. Many of the guests had sat down on the stone basement floor, which couldn't be very comfortable, but was probably better than standing up by this time. Hix vowed to himself that if he ever _had_ to become the chief, he would try to shorten the marriage ceremony and make the traditional tale as succinct as possible.

"...and that is how my own dear departed wife bore me a daughter, Tengaar, called Tengaar the Proud for her great determination and valor in choosing to fight, who stands before us today to join with this man, Hix, in matrimony."

Hix heard his name, and realized Zorak had stopped talking. _Oh, no,_ he thought. Soon it was really going to be too late to get out of this.

"Hix has engraved Tengaar's name upon his sword as a sign of good faith; he has completed the Quest for Manhood to become a Warrior. Now, join hands."

Hix let Tengaar take his hands in hers. What else was he supposed to do?

"Hix and Tengaar, you will become husband and wife."

Cheers erupted from the crowd, and Hix felt faint. He was married now, whether he'd meant to do it or not. Was it possible to marry by accident?

At last they were allowed to come down from the stage, and Hix felt himself enveloped in crushing congratulatory hugs. He was actually too busy panicking to be embarrassed any further at this point. He would have to tell Tengaar that it was all a mistake, and then she would be embarrassed, and they'd have to tell everyone else what had happened, and the prospect of that did not appeal.  But they would have to undo the marriage if they could. It wasn't proper this way.

"Tengaar," said Hix under his breath, "I really need to talk to you in private."

"There'll be time later," she said. "We have to go upstairs and sign the marriage records. Until we do that, we're not actually married yet." She took him by the hand and pulled him up the stairs, where it was much quieter.

"We're not?" he repeated. "I thought the ceremony was the thing."

"No, that's just the public bit. The records are what matter. If Gregminster doesn't have us on file, then we aren't married."

He was taken aback. "Well, then, I really need to talk to you right now. Please."

She pulled him into the elevator, and set it to wait for more passengers. Nina wormed her way inside. "Can I be the witness?"

"Sure," said Tengaar. She held open the door for her father to catch up and come inside.

Inside the old war room, someone had helpfully set out all the appropriate marriage documents on a table. There were copies for the village and copies to be sent to the national registry. There was no turning back once they were signed; they'd be sent right off and kept in Gregminster forever and ever.

"Tengaar, I really want to talk to you in private."

She picked up the pen and inspected the contract. Then she signed her name, and offered him the quill. "Hix, what is it? Why are you so upset?"

He glanced at the chief. There was no way around this. He was just going to have to tell her here. "Tengaar, I..." He couldn't speak.

"What's wrong?" she said. There was sudden worry in her eyes.

"Something is terribly wrong." He shook his head. "When did you propose to me? What did I say?"

She thought about it. "Well, I don't quite remember what you said exactly..."

"Isn't there something wrong with that?" he said. "Shouldn't that be something we'd remember?"

"Yes, that is strange."

"I don't remember either," said Hix. "I think I never actually agreed to marry you."

She had a miserable, pinched expression on her face, and Hix cursed himself for handling this badly. He hadn't wanted to get her upset. He'd been trying all day to stop this before it got to the point of being upsetting. And now, it was just about the worst it could be, after they'd had a wedding in front of everyone they knew. "Does this mean," she said, her voice quavering, "that you really _don't_ want to marry me?"

"Well, I'm sure I would at _some_ point; it's just-- Look, Tengaar-- Oh, please don't be upset."

He reached out to hold her. "I do want to marry you," he insisted. "Really. I really do. There's no reason to be upset." Because it was true. He did want to marry her. And, in fact, he didn't mind marrying her now. That would be all right, come to think of it. That would be nice. They should get married.

"Look at me," he said. "Hey, Tengaar, look at me."

He tilted her head up to look at him; her eyes were brimming with tears, and he suspected she'd been trying to hide them. "Tengaar, _now_ I'm asking you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes," she said thickly, and gave him an incredulous smile.

"Okay," he said. "I want to marry you too. Shall we finish signing the contract?"

She nodded, and he took the quill pen out of her hand. He walked to the table with her awkwardly, dipped the pen in the ink, and signed the contract, still holding her hand. Then Zorak and Nina also signed-- Nina adding a little heart at the end of her name, which Hix was pretty sure wasn't standard on official documents, but a signature was a signature, he supposed.

The records were sent on to Gregminster at once, and Hix and Tengaar had a long and wonderful marriage, partly because the writer wants to make up for putting Hix through all that. And they lived happily ever after, except when Window dripped cake in their hair. The end.

 


End file.
